Why do people have to be so damn mean?

The Internet really is a vicious place, full of people who seem to get off on the misery of others. I am victim of people just like this, in more ways than one. And now, I am going to speak out about these people, once and for all.

For years, my ex and I were seen as a fairly strong couple, because it seemed nothing could break us. Not an 8,000 mile distance, not bureaucratic bullshit, nothing. Yet I have always held a fear that one day, she would change her glasses and see me in a totally different light. That day came on February 22nd of this year when she ended our almost 7 year relationship (our 7th anniversary fell on March 19th of this year.)

She told me that she felt she was doing it for all the right reasons, and to this day I will stand by my ground and tell her she has done it for all the wrong reasons.

My ex and I started running a forum for LGBTIQQ people a few years back. Ultimately this forum would be hacked, and we ended up closing down that project completely. But last year my ex began making rumblings about beginning a new forum. After months of her and I going back and forth about it, and my warning her several times that this forum would lead to our destruction, I, during a terrible moment of weakness, caved in and gave her the go ahead to do it.

With in the first month of this new forum, I was already being pushed away by other people. People under the protection of anonymity began emailing me saying some pretty nasty stuff about me. For the sake of the newly created forum, I left, thinking it would be a better place without me. Little did I know that my ex would see this as my abandoning her and would take it to heart. This is what I see as the beginning of our downfall.

My then partner talked me around and I returned to the forum. Things seemed to settle down for a while. Perhaps these people hiding behind a door of anonymity thought there was nothing that could break us. But then, my partner and I began showing weakness. For me, it was because we were facing the longest time we had ever been apart, and it was really getting to me. I didn't know how to deal with the emotions that were building up in me, and when I don't know how to deal with something I tend to lash out. I don't mean to do it, I think it is just a way of me protecting myself. As for my partner, she had been doubting my feelings about her (distance will play some nasty tricks on you) for quite some time, and I guess this was beginning to show through.

During the final week of my relationship with this woman these people began really preying on me. I was showing real weakness on my part, my partner and I had had a fight and she was not talking to me, so I was alone.

These vultures began complaining about another person (member of the forum.) They knew I had ill feelings for this other person and figured if they could make it look like a situation with this other person might cause trouble for the forum my partner and I had created they would be able to get me to act. Well stupid me did act. I ended up on a whim, banning this other person from the forums. Two days later, my partner broke up with me. Make of that what you will, but I will always believe that these people caused such a distrusting rip between my partner and me, that it caused us to split.

As soon as it was announced to what were our mutual friends that we had split up I began receiving some very cold and calculating emails, once again under the protection of anonymity. Some of what has been said to me has been total fabricated lies, but other things have been dead set true. The most recent truth has been that my partner was seeing someone I knew, and that I would be devastated when I found out. They were of course right.

And so after a little time of silence the anonymous emails are beginning to come back in. This time I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Some are just down right disgusting and make me want to vomit, but others I fear, might have some truth to them.

Something that is begin said now is, my ex is now engaged to this other woman, and they intend to get married next year. This news pains me to the absolute. It took my partner over a year before she ever asked me to marry her. That was six years ago, and we never tied the knot. But then I think to myself, oh it has to be a bunch of lies, because my ex isn't known for rushing into things like that. But then I think to myself, well she is getting on in years, and might be thinking on just settling and being done with it. If it is indeed true, my ex should have known I would find out sooner or later.

Some of the other stuff being said, I won't go into, but I am told that my ex and her latest is going around spreading some pretty nasty rumors about me, and if I find out any of that is true, then I will manage to be really pissed. And things I have been asked to keep quiet with, won't be kept quiet any longer.

You know, all I want to do is be able to push this nightmare behind me. I know I will probably never enter into another relationship again, but I am tired of living with the pain the last one has really caused me. And yet there are those out there, who just won't let me be. And I am getting bloody tired of that.